You Have the Right to be Punched in the Face

This last week was a special one...why? Because I achieved a life goal. While filling my tires up at a local gas station, I suddenly (and quite unexpectadly) gained a new title. Along with being a man, brother, son, and avid listener of Johnny Cougar Mellencamp (or "JCM" to his closest fans), I became a sole witness of a resisting arrest charge. That's right. My dream of being a sole witness to something came true.

Here's how it (along with the suspect) went down:

So while I'm fillin' up my tires I noticed a police cruiser parked next to my car. After making this astute observation my attention was diverted by some audible commotion. I peered across the parking lot and noticed an older Vietnamese gentleman (we'll call him Alejandro) and a cop (we'll call him Punchy) throwing down verbal fisticuffs. Alejandro was wearing a ragged heather gray Seattle University sweatshirt and seemed to be in a state of drug-induced rage/bewilderment. Punchy had a shaved head and cougar tattoo on his forearm. After their disagreement, Punchy proceeded to take Alejandro to his cruiser. About halfway to the car, Alejandro decided that he didn't want to go any further and pushed Punchy away from him.

Bad move Alejandro.

Punchy thought about the situation for about .0123 seconds, then proceeded to grab Alejandro's arm and karate flip him onto the pavement below (which didn't seem to be that difficult as Alejandro had the physical stature of a female Asian gymnast). After this, Punchy mounted Alejandro, wound up, and punched him SQUARE IN THE FACE.

Before I could try to begin to understand what was happening 76 police cruisers, a firetruck, and 2 ambulances showed up. Apparently Punchy felt the need to call in backup against the menacing Alejandro.

I didn't really know what to do so I just stood there and stared. During my staring episode, a woman (we'll call her Arresty) in street clothes and a bullet proof vest ran over to me.

"Did you see what happened?"

"I think so. Yeah."

"Come with me, we need to get a full statement from you. You're a sole witness."

My heart jumped with anxious excitement. I'm a sole witness. F yeah.

I was rushed over to a waiting police officer (we'll call him Writey) and Arresty proceeded to jump into her car and eat some McDonalds. Writey got my info and asked me about what I saw. When I spoke about Punchy punching Alejandro in the face he stared at me blankly.

"Ok Mr. Hillard (it's Hilliard), I think we got everything."

"Did you write down that the cop punched the suspect in the face?"

"Yeah, we just put that down under detainment."

"So you didn't write that down?"

"Not word for word."

"Isn't punching someone in the face after they're incapacitated excessive force?"

"No. It's detainment."

"Oh, ok."

"Can you sign this stating that this is your words and your words alone?"